Way back when my mom used to torture my brother and I with monthly orthodontist visits, I was classically conditioned to absolutely loathe 102.9 LITE FM with Dah-li-laaaa. For those of you in the Twin Cities, you might know the radio station that I’m referring to. It was, by no means, a terrible radio station, but its pairing with the event of a tall, gangly man with bad breath sticking his hands into my mouth, quickly made it the worst radio station ever.
On a side note, it’s ironic and very wrong for a dental care professional to have bad breath. In fact, I’m pretty sure having pleasant breath is one of the prerequisites for going into dental care. Nevertheless, the longest year of my childhood was spent getting a very close front row seat to this man’s unsavory qualities.
But back to my original point. This radio station coincidentally, or so I’d thought at the time, played a particular song during every dreaded visit to the orthodontist’s torture chamber. Since then, every time I hear, “It’s Too Late” by Carole King, I can’t help but brace myself in preparation for Dr. DragonBreath’s dental poking and prodding. Over the years, I have simply accepted that the painful memories brought to consciousness by this obnoxious song will be a lifelong price that I must pay for my straight teeth.
Little did I know that Carole King’s song would eventually be the Universe’s way of letting me know that I am currently making a less than sound decision. It’s a funny coincidence that this be the song to keep tabs on my impulsive decisions and acts of stupidity since the most repeated phrase is, “It’s too late, baby, now it’s too late…”. Some of these happenstances include: buying expensive, superfluous clothing, farting in elevators, overdosing on ibuprofen (that was a complete accident, I swear), setting items (like a computer, for example) on the top of the car before getting inside, etc. For some reason, Carole King is always there to mock me with her nauseating song.
On the plus side, I have begun to take preventative measures in an attempt to end the Carole King madness that incessantly reminds me, “It’s too late…”. Whenever I hear the song, I instantly take inventory of my person, hold in all bodily functions, and refrain from making large movements. This has been pretty effective thus far, however it seems to alarm people when such preventative measures are taken in public places. I can understand why ceasing all unnecessary movement might raise suspicion but seriously, holding in all bodily functions? I’m doing them a favor.
I guess the main point I’m getting to is that ear plugs are necessary when going to the orthodontist and farting in public is never a good idea. Compliments of Carole King, I have learned both of those lessons the hard way.
YOU LIKE ORGANIC CHEMISTRY? I like Physics 'cause it's all real and tangible, whereas chemistry always seemed like the professors could be making everything up. What are you aiming to do after you graduate?
ReplyDeleteAlso, I had a way cooler dentist. His breath was always ideal for his profession.
ReplyDeleteYeah, you should go for graduate school. From what I've seen, people who love chemistry tend to go for that, and medical school isn't that chemistry-heavy in comparison.
ReplyDeleteI'm aiming for medical school for a future in medical missions.